The Meat Loaf

It was a beautiful day and we headed on over for a play date. My friend answered the door with a baby perched on her hip, the other hand frantically waving at the dog to stay back- all the while attempting to keep her knee in front of the other two—as my daughters and I slid our way into their lovely home.

Shrieks of delight were exchanged between the five children and soon the older ones scurried off to play and slowly destroy her once neat and tidy home-room by room. We both sighed. The destruction and impeding voice volumes are well worth it when you simply carve that one on one friend time – also known as adult interaction.

So there we were. It was she and I and the baby in the bouncer. Life was good.

She showed me around her wonderfully warm home and introduced me to her lovable and very social dog. After refereeing several minor disagreements between the other
four, we sat at the kitchen table to talk and catch up.

Twenty minutes later, the baby decided our time was up. Just like a baby pro, he managed to completely consume the next 30 with the usual-feeding, changing, playing and crying. I wasn’t irritated –just simply sympathetic. It wasn’t that long ago that mine were baby pros too.

Just as the baby settled down and the kids were playing quietly in the play room, my friend decided it was time to get started on lunch. She took the meat out of the refrigerator and the potatoes from the pantry.

I assumed we would have the usual-chicken nuggets, PB&J or pizza with some fruit or fries on the side. I really didn’t want her going to any trouble feeding me and my toddlers.

Seeing my startled look, she said, “I hope you don’t mind. We are having home made meat loaf and mashed potatoes for lunch today.”

“Sounds great to me. Please, what can I do to help you?” I asked.

“You just sit and enjoy yourself. I have it.”

So, I began to watch this wonderful Mother of three began to make the meat loaf and peel potatoes. The baby would cry and she would stop to console him and then resume making the feast. The children would yell and she would rush to help and to intervene. I offered assistance and she kept refusing…although she finally did let me hold and console the little one.

She frantically worked on this magnificent lunch for some 45 minutes. We talked when we could –in between all the activities and the joyful chaos.

Finally, the delicious lunch was served. I am embarrassed to say that my two ate very little of the delicious home made meat loaf and mashed potatoes. However, they were excited to devour the home made cookies that followed.

By the time we cleared the table, cleaned the kitchen and we returned the rooms to a pre-visit status, it was time to go.

As my girls were chasing her kids, I hugged her and said, “I really wish you hadn’t of gone to all that trouble. Next time, it is pizza on me.”

As we backed out of the drive way, we waved to all of them and I noticed she had the baby perched once again on her hip-and she looked exhausted. Our visit there had simply created more work, more stress and more exhaustion for her. She needed conversation and support-not more work.

While I appreciated her kind gesture of the meal, I too was seeking the same that day. I left with my belly full but my heart and soul still longing for simple conversation, funny stories and the laughter of “You too?”

I wished we had made yet another PB&J for us and for them –and used our time to laugh, cry, smile and simply ponder Motherhood. Time was the food that our souls needed the most that day…and we both left the table hungry.

As a Mom, I have often let the meat loaf get in my way too. Somewhere along the way, I became convinced that points are tallied by visiting friends and family for the cleanliness of our floors, glimmering toilets, sparkling counter tops, hidden dust bunnies, perfectly organized pantries and clutter free family rooms. I just knew extra points were given for home cooked meals, freshly baked cookies, fresh flowers and a perfectly planned activity schedule-with something for everyone.

The work, the planning and the details left me exhausted, frustrated and seeing these visits as somewhat of a chore…at least for me.

And then something changed. During a visit with my husband’s parents, my Mother-in-law explained that she wanted to spend more time with us-not in the kitchen-during our visit. She cooked a wonderful meal or two, but we fetched take-out BBQ, made sandwiches for lunch and dined on “just fine” cereal for breakfast. We all received the best gift…time with each other.

Since then, I have learned to relax a little. My husband no longer hides during my pre-visit cleaning frenzies- he actually joins right in. The house will be tidy but there be some run away dust bunnies, loads of laundry that still need to be folded and toys scattered about. My home will not be perfect-and neither will we…but I can bet you will feel welcomed!

I do plan and cook some meals but I also plan take-out, pizza or fun restaurant visits. Fun things and adventures are planned-but so is down time for everyone-even me.

And I can say, that in the last few years, the last minute cook-outs with ten friends, the last minute pizza dinner here with a friend and her kids, the last minute stay here by my husband’s friend –they were the best! Forget the cleaning, forget the planning-there was no time! I just went with it…come as you are and take me as I am! No grand gestures offered…just the gift of time and having fun together!

So before you work yourself into another cleaning frenzy, plan that third gourmet meal or dust the top of your refrigerator…your friends and family won’t remember your polished floor, the breaded tilapia parked on the perfect mound of rice, the unique hand towel in the guest bath or your clutter free closets…they will remember you and how you made them feel. And they will relish that they never left your table hungry.

True story. Really, it is.

As usual this morning, we began our journey to the elementary school just across the street. I wish it were that simple. You must first cross a dewy ands grassy knoll- all while pulling a wagon occupied by a three year old in pajamas eating a toaster stick. So while holding my oldest daughters hand and using the other to lug 33 pounds of toddler plus the wagon – we did just that.

We made it safely down the grassy hill to the intersection where we crossed the main road-still holding hands and pulling the wagon. Crossing the intersection, I sighed in relief as we made it to the sidewalk that leads right to the school.

So far, everything had gone smoothly. George, our cat, did not try and follow us to school. The smallest had not cried yet. The oldest had both her lunch bag and back pack in tow with an extra dollar for the snack cart. And well, I wasn’t covered in sweat – yet.

Yes, it seemed to be a perfect morning. I just should have known it was too good to be true.

As I have learned, there are the rules of the “road” when walking, biking or scootering to school. It is a narrow sidewalk bordered by a fence with heavy greenery protruding from it, so it doesn’t permit two lanes of pedestrian traffic. From what I have gathered, those heading to school seem to have the right of way... or so I thought.

So, we have the crossing guard in sight and then it happened. As we were making our way there, he approached. I saw an older man of a not so slight build walking alone in the middle of the one way sidewalk.

Assuming that he would step aside for the Mom in gym shorts, bright orange Crocks lugging a toddler in a wagon holing the hand of a Kindegartener, I continued on the sidewalk. As we got closer, I realized he was trying to make a point and was certainly not intending to step aside to let us continue on. So, the Mother duck and pure stubbornness in me-and abiding by the rules of the road, I decided to take the challenge. We too continued straight.

So, we kept walking towards each other. Our bellies almost collided as stood in front of us and yelled “EXCUSE MEEEEEEEEEE…” He abruptly stepped aside muttering some things under his breath that I prayed my children didn’t hear. I politely said, “How rude.”

I simply shook my head in disbelief. A father passed us shaking his too saying how sorry he was that someone acted like that.

I could only assume that grizzly man either didn’t understand the rules of the road, was born with no manners or was simply just temporarily or permanently miserable. Either way, I was grateful to be living my life and not his.

I can say that when we reached Bob, the beloved older gentleman that is our crossing guard, he more than made up for Grizzly. His smile and kind words simply cancelled the tyranny that had occurred minutes before. We made it safely to school and then after dropping the oldest off at her class, turned around to head home.

Life sure is like that too. It seems to me that the negative aspects of our journey are there to teach us –to challenge us-to make us stronger than we knew we could be. And the positive- to teach us appreciation for all the wonderful people, places and opportunities that surprise and surround us on this great, big and amazing journey.

Make It

As Moms, we make beds, make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, make dinner, make beds, make love with our husbands, make life better for friends, family and even strangers, make chocolate birthday cakes, make cards and notes to lift someone’s spirits, make eggs and pancakes, make a celebration out of children’s milestones, make floors and toilets shine, make medical and dental appointments to keep our families healthy, make the pick-up lines after school, make yet another school or sporting event, and make sure everyone else’s life is running smoothly and that they have exactly what they need to be successful, to feel loved and appreciated.

But… what about ourselves?

Do we make the time to stop, breath and just be? Do we make the time to plan and dream? Do we make the time to consider our own passions, purpose and dreams? Do we make the time to decide who and what we want to be?

Do we make the time to carve out the niche just for us? Do we make the time to feed and love ourselves and our own souls? Do we make the time to push aside the fear, the guilt and to do a little something on the sidelines that is for us-about us-screams us?

Do we? Do you?

Make something new in your life that is about and for you. Make your heart sing and your soul smile. Make the journey to finding that part of you that you have hidden, forgotten or haven’t talked to in awhile. Make the time to rediscover and love you.

Start today and make a difference and change in your own life. Make yourself happy and make your life a fulfilling and balanced one. Make a decision to just do it.

Make this life your life too.

What Did You Do Today?

My husband has learned not to ask, “What did you do today?”

First, it implies that I might have done nothing.

And of course, you can’t build a great story around five loads of laundry, the spilled milk, finding the matching mate for two pairs of shoes, packing another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chasing the snake from the patio, a search and rescue for the mysterious stench coming from the pantry, pick-up lines, another glorious trip to the grocery store, scooping the litter box, calling sitters for Saturday and all the rest of it!

He knows not to ask, because heck I cannot even answer that question. I have often wondered where my time and day actually goes. So I started thinking…where is my time spent?

So, I decided to look at just a few categories for this oh-so scientific study of mine. Let’s see, the way I figured it…Yearly, I spend an average of 182.5 hours on laundry, 121.6 hours on search and recovery, 608.3 hours cooking and preparing meals, 365 hours on sparkling toilets, 182.5 reliving my schooling via homework and educational activities, 152 hours on children’s crafts and 456.25 hours driving the family cab.

Let’s not forget the 121.66 hours herding and yelling “Hurry up!”, 255.5 hours on my cell phone planning, coordinating and venting, 48.6 hours for appointments, 158.6 hours observing children’s sports activities, 85.1 hours on “Please wear something else…” and the 139 hours of torture buying expensive groceries, praying for a sale at Target for birthday presents, searching for cards for less than the cost of a meal and miscellaneous items.

It continues at 24.3 hours twiddling my thumb at children’s birthday parties, 12.1 hours in attending classroom celebrations, 30.4 hours wiping a tear or mending a broken heart and 73 hours refereeing another fight between the girls. (And I calculated when the girls were in diapers, I spent another 486.6 hours a year just on one!)

So, according to my paltry math, my basic work day averaged about 8.26 hours! If you have children in diapers or are in the midst of potty-training feel free to add in 80minutes per day per child for your own statistical analysis!

My husband is a smart man. He instead asks, “How was your day?” It makes my life seem so much more entertaining and worthwhile to humorously describe the funny adventures related to these often mundane tasks.

But, if he ever dares to ask, “What DID you do today?” I finally have the list, the answer and my reply. Then, I will sadly reassure him that my fantasy of consuming an entire bag of Dove chocolates while lounging in bed the entire day watching Lifetime television uninterrupted- simply cannot and will not happen any time soon!

Just Borrow Mine

Yet another research study. Study after study, research project after research project, hundreds of subjects, pages of notes, boundless research dollars and thousands of cat naps later-it is revealed. A 15-20 minute nap during the day increases your energy and productivity. In our every day world, it simply means that you are re-energized.

I, and many millions of Mothers just like me, didn’t need another fancy, detailed and very expensive research study to tell us that. We know because we have kids.

When our children were infants, my husband and I resorted to some humorous tactics to prevent them from falling asleep while close to home and even closer to their official nap time! Let’s see, we would roll down all the car windows, blare the radio and even make miscellaneous loud noises to keep them awake…because we knew their secret of the little nap.

Just today, our youngest and her best friend were doing their best to empty out or entertain (My friend and I laughingly debated over which they were trying to accomplish…) our section at Chilli’s with their antics.

A mere ten minutes later on the way to the school pick up line, I looked back to find her slumped over in her car seat snoring like a grizzly. Yes, I knew what the latter part of the afternoon would have in store for me thanks to that dear little nap. I gulped a caffeinated soda and a Nutri-Grain bar to prepare myself for the energy I would need later- just to keep up!

I have seen my two awake from a brief nap and run Nascar speed laps around a restaurant, touch every other product down a grocery aisle, produce noise levels comparable to a gym basketball game and turn a clean and organized house unto something unrecognizable in a mere thirty minutes.

I severely underestimated the power of that little nap. What I could have done, what I could have been –if I would have known the value of that little nap in my pre-Mom years.

So, researchers, save your money! You can just borrow my three year old for your study for as many days as you need her or can stand it—throw in a Happy Meal and an on-site sitter at your place and we will call it even!