The Meat Loaf

It was a beautiful day and we headed on over for a play date. My friend answered the door with a baby perched on her hip, the other hand frantically waving at the dog to stay back- all the while attempting to keep her knee in front of the other two—as my daughters and I slid our way into their lovely home.

Shrieks of delight were exchanged between the five children and soon the older ones scurried off to play and slowly destroy her once neat and tidy home-room by room. We both sighed. The destruction and impeding voice volumes are well worth it when you simply carve that one on one friend time – also known as adult interaction.

So there we were. It was she and I and the baby in the bouncer. Life was good.

She showed me around her wonderfully warm home and introduced me to her lovable and very social dog. After refereeing several minor disagreements between the other
four, we sat at the kitchen table to talk and catch up.

Twenty minutes later, the baby decided our time was up. Just like a baby pro, he managed to completely consume the next 30 with the usual-feeding, changing, playing and crying. I wasn’t irritated –just simply sympathetic. It wasn’t that long ago that mine were baby pros too.

Just as the baby settled down and the kids were playing quietly in the play room, my friend decided it was time to get started on lunch. She took the meat out of the refrigerator and the potatoes from the pantry.

I assumed we would have the usual-chicken nuggets, PB&J or pizza with some fruit or fries on the side. I really didn’t want her going to any trouble feeding me and my toddlers.

Seeing my startled look, she said, “I hope you don’t mind. We are having home made meat loaf and mashed potatoes for lunch today.”

“Sounds great to me. Please, what can I do to help you?” I asked.

“You just sit and enjoy yourself. I have it.”

So, I began to watch this wonderful Mother of three began to make the meat loaf and peel potatoes. The baby would cry and she would stop to console him and then resume making the feast. The children would yell and she would rush to help and to intervene. I offered assistance and she kept refusing…although she finally did let me hold and console the little one.

She frantically worked on this magnificent lunch for some 45 minutes. We talked when we could –in between all the activities and the joyful chaos.

Finally, the delicious lunch was served. I am embarrassed to say that my two ate very little of the delicious home made meat loaf and mashed potatoes. However, they were excited to devour the home made cookies that followed.

By the time we cleared the table, cleaned the kitchen and we returned the rooms to a pre-visit status, it was time to go.

As my girls were chasing her kids, I hugged her and said, “I really wish you hadn’t of gone to all that trouble. Next time, it is pizza on me.”

As we backed out of the drive way, we waved to all of them and I noticed she had the baby perched once again on her hip-and she looked exhausted. Our visit there had simply created more work, more stress and more exhaustion for her. She needed conversation and support-not more work.

While I appreciated her kind gesture of the meal, I too was seeking the same that day. I left with my belly full but my heart and soul still longing for simple conversation, funny stories and the laughter of “You too?”

I wished we had made yet another PB&J for us and for them –and used our time to laugh, cry, smile and simply ponder Motherhood. Time was the food that our souls needed the most that day…and we both left the table hungry.

As a Mom, I have often let the meat loaf get in my way too. Somewhere along the way, I became convinced that points are tallied by visiting friends and family for the cleanliness of our floors, glimmering toilets, sparkling counter tops, hidden dust bunnies, perfectly organized pantries and clutter free family rooms. I just knew extra points were given for home cooked meals, freshly baked cookies, fresh flowers and a perfectly planned activity schedule-with something for everyone.

The work, the planning and the details left me exhausted, frustrated and seeing these visits as somewhat of a chore…at least for me.

And then something changed. During a visit with my husband’s parents, my Mother-in-law explained that she wanted to spend more time with us-not in the kitchen-during our visit. She cooked a wonderful meal or two, but we fetched take-out BBQ, made sandwiches for lunch and dined on “just fine” cereal for breakfast. We all received the best gift…time with each other.

Since then, I have learned to relax a little. My husband no longer hides during my pre-visit cleaning frenzies- he actually joins right in. The house will be tidy but there be some run away dust bunnies, loads of laundry that still need to be folded and toys scattered about. My home will not be perfect-and neither will we…but I can bet you will feel welcomed!

I do plan and cook some meals but I also plan take-out, pizza or fun restaurant visits. Fun things and adventures are planned-but so is down time for everyone-even me.

And I can say, that in the last few years, the last minute cook-outs with ten friends, the last minute pizza dinner here with a friend and her kids, the last minute stay here by my husband’s friend –they were the best! Forget the cleaning, forget the planning-there was no time! I just went with it…come as you are and take me as I am! No grand gestures offered…just the gift of time and having fun together!

So before you work yourself into another cleaning frenzy, plan that third gourmet meal or dust the top of your refrigerator…your friends and family won’t remember your polished floor, the breaded tilapia parked on the perfect mound of rice, the unique hand towel in the guest bath or your clutter free closets…they will remember you and how you made them feel. And they will relish that they never left your table hungry.