Enthusiasm Over Excuses

Simply put, our five year old daughter just loves a party. So, I should have known that the small thought and discussion of having several friends over for a play date would morph into something much larger. (After all, her Mother once invited the whole college football team to her apartment for a spaghetti dinner when she couldn’t even cook! The room mates were thrilled…So it must be genetic!)

About six weeks ago, she came bounding out of her room with a stack of papers and a huge smile. She informed me that these were the invitations to the “party” and that we had to deliver them to the neighbors that very day. I called several friends in our cul-de-sac and prepared them for her arrival!

While I waited at the end of the drive way, she would eagerly hurry to the next house and the next. Each neighbor would take the pretend invitation, exchange a few words with her and look up at me and wave. When she arrived home, she enthusiastically explained that one neighbor agreed to bring the table cloths, another some steaks and that I was to locate some beautiful pink plates and napkins for the party.

I just knew this party phase would pass, but it hasn’t. She watches the cooking show for ideas, selects specific flowers out of the garden for making table arrangements and peruses the isles of the $1.00 Target isles for gift bag ideas.

She makes party and food lists in her little book while grocery shopping—with me spelling the items out loud for her! (So, if you hear someone spelling cucumber or pecan swirls again loudly in the aisle of a grocery store-it is us! Stop and say hello!) While at the bakery section, she asks lots of questions about the cakes, desserts and cookies in the case. She is quite the party planner!

On her own, she enlisted the help of two of my friends to actually play the harp and flute at this party…and has been practicing on her own harp for the proposed trio. One neighbor has agreed to do hair. She has selected a jewelry kit and face painting for additional entertainment for this girl only event. Oh, and I was strictly informed that both kids and adults would be invited.

I have held her off for weeks with a varied list of excuses-the weather, vacation plans, other’s vacation plans, the two birthday parties we just held and paid for, the time needed for planning and more! She overlooks these excuses and simply continues on with her enthusiasm and her plans. And it has worked. Her enthusiasm won out over my excuses and I am delighted to say we will be having a tea party in July—after the harpist returns from vacation!

Enthusiasm over excuses… It is her secret weapon-and it used to be mine. Before Motherhood, I would simply set my mind to something and forge ahead—while others said I shouldn’t or couldn’t. Such obstacles and objections just heightened my enthusiasm and determination for the goal-big or small. Whether it was buying that first house in my early 20’s, choosing Outward Bound as my summer vacation, running my first marathon in Dublin at 30 or walking away from a great job to start a consulting business-I shoved aside the should nots and just did it. My enthusiasm for living life to the fullest was far more important than adhering to my fear.

And then I became a Mom. Two daughters later, I am in the midst of the “Mother Duck” syndrome- keeping my girls close, safe and away from harm. “Stay away from that curb.” “Don’t swim too far…” “Stay close. I have to be able to see you.” “Take a jacket just in case…” “Hold my hand…there are cars out there.” “Look both ways-twice.” “Don’t talk to strangers.” “Stay in the shallow end.” “Don’t pedal too far ahead.” “Walk slowly-don’t run.” “Think about it.” “Test the water before you get in.” “Walk, don’t run.”

And somewhere along the way in teaching them to avoid danger and harm…safety Mom is playing it safe too. All of a sudden, it is me hugging the curb of life, being a little fearful of wading out past my knees in that great ocean and testing the waters oh so carefully before I make the plunge.

Lately, I have a business interest that just keeps tugging at my heart. I shared this dream with my husband and he thought it was a great idea. Then, I launched right into all the reasons I shouldn’t do it. He looked at me and asked, “Why are you so afraid of this? Why all these excuses? When I met you, you weren’t afraid of anything.”

My answer stunned even myself. “It might succeed and I am afraid. “

Afraid of success-that’s a new one! “What I really meant to say was “I have this nice, safe, neat, routine and little undisturbed world –and change would be difficult.” It is easier to play it safe-or is it?

As a Mom, I relish the big and small joys of seeing our daughters grow and learn. And – while, I need the comfort and routine of our daily lives, I find myself needing more. I need just a bit of the old daring and enthusiastic me to return once in while. And I need to pursue my dreams both big and small. After all, as the saying goes, “Everyone needs something to do, someone to love and something to hope for.”

So, I pushed safety Mom aside for a rest and have decided to shake things up a bit in my own life. Enthusiasm over excuses…I have decided to embrace change rather then fearing it. I joined a training group at the Y after a year of thinking about it. And the business idea-it’s in the works and I am excited!

My daughters are watching me. Besides being safety Mom, I am their life guide. It is my role to teach them the difference in clinging to the curb to avoid an accident and stepping away from the curb to pursue a dream. As a Mom and their greatest teacher, I have to live the difference. They will become what they see and will dare to dream-if I do.