The Joy "Thieves"

I had just become engaged to my dream man. Two weeks later, I gave up the title, big salary, management, road miles and a pretty nice paycheck for a much quieter, less demanding role in a marketing department of a regional bank. My priorities had shifted and I was delighted. After all these years, my real dreams were finally coming true.

Riding the high, I threw myself into wedding planning and my new job. I was so excited and so exhausted. The excitement remained but so did this overwhelming exhaustion. When my now husband found me sound asleep sitting upright, he made me promise to see my physician right away.

So I did. She took notes as I offered my self diagnosis of stress or perhaps Diabetes since it runs in my family. She ran a couple of tests and appeared minutes later. With a smile and waving the results in her hand, she said, “Congratulations, you are pregnant. That’s your diagnosis.” I turned white, almost fell out of my chair and a nurse had to lead me to the office exit because I was so dazed.

So, here I was. I was unmarried, although engaged, working in a new job at a conservative bank, planning a huge wedding to occur in March with a fiancé trying to decide if he was going to leave the Air National Guard for civilian life…and a very conservative immediate family. And this is where the story really begins…

It’s funny how things change in a moment. My sheer joy turned into sheer anxiety. I was afraid, unsure and baffled as to how to handle this all. I couldn’t even take the first step-but my fiancé (and now husband) did. We embraced and accepted these sudden changes together.

We took it in and then we built enough courage to call both sets of parents. Those were two of the most difficult calls we have ever made. A call that should be so exciting and joyful was, due to timing, a very painful one.

During this time, after many long baths and prayers, I had to forgive myself for somehow causing such chaos and uproar in so many lives. I had to pluck the hurt from my heart and replace it with the joy of a new life-and a new beginning.

And the wedding? Well, I was ready to concede to the suggestions of some friends and family to do something small, quiet and to lay low. This was the easy decision. My now husband disagreed. He said, “We will have a wedding. You deserve that. It should still be your day. No matter what...” This was the harder decision.

We opted for the latter. We moved the wedding to December and decided to have it in Charlotte instead of my hometown. And so, the date was set for December 7th. He and I began the planning for a 150 guest wedding that was now 6 weeks away!

Now, not only is our anniversary associated with D-Day –it is now associated with one of the largest and most destructive ice storms to ever hit the Charlotte area!

The wedding is a story in itself. Several bridesmaids, due to the weather, were unable to make it for the Luncheon. (Miraculously, all made if for the wedding!) Our own church had no power and a tree across the front complete with downed power lines. A group of dear friends located another church in downtown eager to help and host our ceremony. Flowers and decorations for the ceremony would be donated by an anonymous friend.

My fiancé and I battled the icy roads to pick up my wedding dress—and a man hearing our story even offered to drive it to the hotel so my husband wouldn’t see it! I managed to find one nail place open that could do my nails and my hair salon was the only one on the block that still had power!

We had our rehearsal in the hotel lobby (since our church had no power). During such, an unfortunate homeless man had a seizure. We watched as an ambulance arrived and took him away. Thankfully, our dinner went off without a hitch since the restaurant was close and had electricity!

There were family disagreements. There were some not so nice comments offered by others. The majority offered hugs of understanding and support---and pitched in wherever and whenever they could. Even strangers amazed us with their sincere kindness.

There were numerous plan changes that were executed by my husband and with the gracious help of so many friends. Since our house had no electricity, I spent one night in my in-law’s suite and the next night bunked with a friend in her room.

And the day of my wedding? Well, my stylist went for a much too “mod” look for me and after two attempts, I arrived to the church an hour late. Two friends met me in the road, bridesmaids helped me to quickly dress, and I laughingly handed off an extra tiara to a little girl that wanted to see “the bride”.

One bridesmaid asked, “How have you handled this so well? Anyone could’ve and should’ve fallen apart through all of this…” I remarked, “I won’t let anyone or anything steal our joy. I just can’t…I just won’t…I refuse.”

I wasn’t a hero. I just chose to focus on what really mattered. I loved him and he loved me. We just wanted to be married. For me, it was that simple.

The rest was beautiful. We had 135 family and friends that had braved the worst of weather conditions to be there for us. Even though my dress was designed for a spring wedding (sleeveless), it was stunning and I was never, ever cold. The church, while unfamiliar, felt strangely comfortable. At the last minute, we opted to walk with our wedding party through downtown to the reception. We danced, laughed, cried and celebrated.

Our church wedding coordinator and friends remarked it was one of the most beloved and beautiful weddings ever because we handled it with such grace and humor. Most importantly, they said, we had steadfastly refused to enable the many, many challenges to stand in the way of our love and joy.

It was and still is the best day of my life. The ride sure was bumpy, but all my real dreams came true that very joyful day. I had an amazing husband and a healthy baby on the way. I finally had a family of my very own.

Joy doesn’t always arrive in a neatly bundled package on your doorstep on a clear, sunny day at noon. Sometimes, you have to forgive yourself or others, clear the clutter, leap over the obstacles and search far and near-or even wait- before you find it or it finds you.

As Mothers, we are faced with so many “joy” thieves. Maybe it’s the frantic taxi schedule getting your kids from one thing to the next. It could be the demanding and negative friend that depletes your energy and time. Maybe your husband refuses to “co-parent”. You may be exasperated completing those many tasks from all those committees and organizations. Maybe you are trying to meet needs both big and small as a caregiver to someone in your family. It could be that you work outside the home and feel obligated to have the cleanest home on the block. Maybe you spend too much, eat too much or just do too much.

As Mothers, we are wired to take care of others. No where does it say we must take care of everyone and everything, but we try. Our carts become so overloaded with these rocks, that when we get to the top of the hill, we’re exhausted and regret not taking the opportunity to stop along the way, to think and to enjoy the scenery and surprises. .

Mothers, lighten your carts! Sit on your hands (say no) to avoid more “busy-ness”. Decide what’s most important in your personal and family life. Throw out a rock or two! You can continue to be overwhelmed, frustrated, tired and maybe even angry—or you can fall in love with the journey and find real joy!

So often, it is easier to fore go our own joy in lieu of making decisions that may affect others in our lives. I challenge you to make the hard decisions and find the joy in your own journey. So, clear the clutter, bound over the obstacles, look and wait. Stand firm and refuse to let anyone or anything ever, ever steal your joy.