The Up-Side of Motherhood

Every so often, I ask my oldest daughter the same question. With hope in my heart and curiosity on my mind, the dialogue usually goes something like this -

I ask, “What do Mothers do?”
She replies, “They clean.”
“Ok, really, what do Mothers do?”
She replies, “They have babies.”
“Anything else?” I ask.
She pauses and says, “They just take care of stuff.”

Now, like most Moms I had envisioned the most eloquent of answers. I secretly hope that she will recall every detail of the adventures, outings, crafts, magical birthday parties, my participation in all those school plays and field trips, gymnastics, basketball, picnics, my ability to recall each name and talent of her many friends, the little notes tucked in her lunch box each day, the funny rhymes we create about everything and purchasing everything in pink… because I know it is her favorite color!

Instead, I am remembered for cleaning, having babies and well, just taking care of stuff. Leave it to a four year old to leave you pondering your role as a Mom. So I began to think about her simple answers to those complex questions.

Long ago, I chucked the suits, business meetings, pay raises and titles and had one baby and then another. The other day, as I wiped the crumbs off the counter, changed yet another diaper and was nearly tripped by a stray toy and dodged a speeding bullet (affectionately known as our cat George), I glanced about the house that just an hour before was as near straight as it could be. It was then that it hit me. I do clean and clean and clean! A visitor might never know that as I am smack in the middle of the “up” phase of Motherhood.

Oh yes, the up phase of Motherhood! This phase is all about cleaning up and taking care of lots and lots of tasks. This phase consists of wipe-up, throw-up, pick-up, straighten-up, sit-up, clean-up, tidy up, mess-up, hurry-up, pull-up, straighten-up, wash- up, get-up, put-up and sometimes - give up! If I am not in the midst of one of these, either the kids have run away or I have departed from this world!

If you are a Mom, you know the “up” phase first hand. Perpetual motion, non-stop, non-thrilling but must-do actions! The kind that makes your eyes heavy and ears shut down at 8pm.

Now, in my prior career life I managed quite a number of people, but a flock of twenty-two still can’t compare to the likes of the baby and toddler years. Back then, with a pager, phone, planner and assistant - I managed just fine. Now, with sticky notes, a planner, cell phone and a jumbled mind - my life has been turned “upside down”. I am mixed-up!

I have…
…worn a shirt inside-out for an entire day. (Did my friends ever notice?)
… mistaken mascara for lip gloss. (Multi-tasking while driving can be harmful to your face!)
…worn two different shoes and was proud. (It’s great to be noticed!)
…diligently tried to unlock someone else’s car. (It really did look like mine!)
…showed up for my daughter’s school on a holiday. (Short drop off line!)
…forgotten food for a school party? (Oh no! Would the home-room Moms forgive me?)
…forgotten two school parties and my daughter still reminds me of those! (Does she remember the other twenty that I attended?)
…gone places looking like I said I never would! (More compliments when I dress up right?)
…dialed my cell, forget who I am calling and when they answer – I am startled for a moment! (After all, I called them…)

And well, this does not include my suffering vocabulary and my expertise in the ability to lose things both big and small on a daily basis!

It is the “up” phase and my life is upside down! It is joyful, frustrating, fun, challenging maddening, boring, exciting, scary and amazing. I cry, laugh and sigh and sometimes plead for 8pm. Then, in the midst of it all, when my daughters run over for no reason to say “I love you Mom” (and ask for nothing) it is uplifting. Those three words get me up the next day to do it all over again and again…and again.

My daughter was on to something. So as Moms, we do clean. We work hard to make our houses a home. We have children and work tirelessly to provide them with a foundation of strong roots and wings.

We do take care of “stuff” and lots of it. As a friend said to me recently, “They get all of us.” We work as the roadies in their lives making sure they have what they need, both big and small, in the every day and long-term. It may appear thankless and mundane at times, but it will be the most important job we ever, ever do.

My daughters will have limited memories of the things we have done together. I can’t expect them to understand my many sacrifices and work along the way. I can hope though. And I hope, that when they look back on their childhood years, they remember feeling loved - really loved. I hope they know -I did my best. I hope they got all of me.

Here’s to all of you Moms! Keep it “up”!

Happy New Year!