The Simple Things

My husband squirms, shudders and shakes his ahead. “Not again!” he exclaims. As he grabs the remote, I hear him say, “Why do they do that to us? As if we need more pressure…”

I glance over just to see the end of a Jeweler’s ad. You know the one! Pictured is the perfect couple with the husband giving his wife the perfect ring in the perfectly wrapped package at the precisely timed moment—all for Valentine’s Day. She opens the gifts, her eyes sparkle and she smiles. The man is smiling too—out of relief, stress and the knowledge that this gift has earned him BIG points!

And if the husbands miss those ads, there are all the ads for cards, chocolates, flowers and dining specials at every turn! I have often wondered how any breathing man delayed the prompt to buy big and buy ahead with these mega-media reminders and our subtle hints! (And how so many end up at Walgreen’s on February 14th at 5:15pm!)

While they are sweating, we wait and wait. Will he plan a grand evening out or will he be at Walgreen’s buying a last minute card and the left over box of chocolates? Will we be elated, disappointed or just down right mad? After all, this IS the day of love right? This ONE day expresses just how much they care about us-or does it?

Well, here is where you are awaiting my grand story! You can exhale and feel relieved because there isn’t one. My beloved husband has planned some memorable celebrations, given me some beautiful gifts and orchestrated some wonderful evenings out, but for Valentine’s Day he keeps it simple…because he understands me.

You see, my love language is all about time and simple thoughtfulness. Sometimes I think the big gifts are the easy way out. Plan ahead, be creative, give me something different-and from the heart!

In the past, my husband has made me a home made cake, planted a rose bush, cooked dinner, made cards, planned picnics and planned a great evening out two days after Valentine’s Day so we could avoid the crowds!

Since I know you are dying to ask about the most memorable simple gift, I will tell you! Are you ready? It was an installed cat door. Yes, you heard it right- a cat door. We were dating and both living in Charlotte. Since I had two cats and their litter box was located in the garage, I simply left my kitchen door open day and night so they could make it back and forth! He mentioned that doing such wasn’t safe and was adding to my electrical bill.

Returning home that evening, I pulled into the garage to see a whole in this door with a note saying, “Hope you like this…work in progress.” Turns out, he didn’t realize it was a steel door and it was a bit more difficult than he anticipated. After gathering some better tools and about a week later, the cats and I had a much needed and wonderful cat door!

And ok, there have been great gifts along the way, but the funny thing is -I really remember these moments and those simple acts of love - not the big gifts! It is the small things that make me feel really, really appreciated and loved. It is what I need.

So, simple things, time and thoughtfulness are important and essential to me. My value and awareness of these should make me a great and astute Mother at doing such for my own daughters, right?

Well, somewhere between the massive loads of laundry, chores, scheduling, cooking, cleaning and organizing, their emotional needs often get pushed aside. A sort of frenzy takes over as I try to complete the growing list of chores and to do lists. As I become busy and stressed, they increase their whining and begging. Then, out comes the “not now”, “I’m busy” and “maybe later” to their pleas to just play.

They act up and out to get my attention. They have even cupped my face in their hands to get me to hear them. My oldest will even say, “I need you to spend some time with me, Mom.” It breaks my heart because I know and I fully understand this need. They need me. They need my time. They need the simple things.

So, every once in a while I let the laundry loads grow, the return phone calls are delayed again and shove cleaning aside. We take time out to play soccer in the yard. We bake cookies. We draw with chalk in the driveway. We go on Mom and daughter dates. We play a game. We read. We take home made sandwiches to the park in a basket complete with a picnic blanket. We go to the Target $1 bin or to the Dollar Store with a dollar bill each. We take a walk. We watch a movie. We lay in bed and talk. We paint plates at the ceramic store. We raid the craft bin here at home. We ride bikes. We write notes and draw pictures. We make dinner together. (Yes, four year olds can make salads!).

Oh, the simple things. We have such great fun during these times! They have my undivided attention and they open up about all sorts of topics! We giggle, play and even I feel like a child again sometimes. I see the world differently through their eyes. These brief and shared moments make for happy hearts-theirs and mine.

I know my daughters won’t remember the toys they received, all the great adventures we have had, the places we have lived and visited, the friends that have come and gone and all the joys and sorrow that have passed us by, but they will remember the small moments, simple things and how it made them feel.

As Cesare Pavese said, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” These brief moments together will become the cherished memories of their childhood.



So, as I end this writing, their quiet time is coming to an end. I have quite a list of to-dos not yet done, a load of laundry that needs to be folded, a few remaining follow-up calls and dinner that needs to be started, but we are heading outside to play some soccer on this bright and beautiful day. Why don’t you join us?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Lisa Black
e3black@aol.com