The Balancing Act

Ahhh balance. During my college days, balance meant studying and parties, mixers, drink and appetizer specials.. Looking back on the early career days, it was work and looking for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right now) and the occasional workout. As my career progressed, it was work and doing whatever I wanted with my leftover time and money! I could fill it with dating, volunteering, friends, running, retail therapy, church, travelling or sitting home watching Lifetime television with my favorite sweats and burly socks on!

As a manager, I encouraged "balance" with my team members explaining that there is life outside of work. To my friends, I encouraged "balance" explaining there was more to life then this guy. Go bowling, volunteer, join a church, particpate in a book club, take kick boxing--but do something you love. For myself, I needed "balance" to keep me paced through the greeen and red lights of life.

And now--when I think of balance I envision carrying my toddler again and attempting to juggle 2-3 bags in addition to my 4 year old while maneuvering through a crowd or parking lot--all in the Florida heat while trying to remain patient, calm and well--- balanced! What happens if one of those bags, even a small one, suddenly shifts while doing so? I stumble, maybe even fall! Why? (Now, if you are a Mom you know what this looks like because it has happened to you!) It happens because that small shift leaves me unbalanced. To me , the sense of feeling unbalanced also occurs when a portion of my sense of being is taken away. I stumble, struggle and work hard to regain that much needed balance.

So, now as a Mom, what should balance mean to me as a parent, as a wife, as a friend and as a woman? One of the definitions for balance in Webster's is to sum up or equal the debits and credits. Hmmmm, so let's see our life checkbook of debits regarding time might include working, cleaning, cooking, carpooling, attending sporting events, family appointments, assisting with homework, dressing children, bed time and morning routines, school projects, paying bills, taking care of the pets, tending to extended family and friends, school activities, baking, making to do lists, shopping, attending "spouse" functions and so much more more!

And then we get to the credit portion of our time and the list amazingly is so much shorter! I look at mine that consists of an occasional childless meal with a friend, a weekday date with my husband, church on Sundays, working out at the Y, writing occasionally and an ocassional pedicure---did you see the word occasionally? My debits and credits aren’t even close-are yours?

When someone asks me to list my hobbies these days I am stumped. When my husband and I attend dinner parties, I have been bypassed more than once when the conversation turned to our current jobs with me being a stay at home Mom of course! I know I am not boring, just consumed with all the tasks of being a sort of behind the stage “roadie’ for the other 3 in my home.

I think my Mother-in-law and husband have the concept! They have secret chocolate stashes that they hide out of sight and far from the familiar search area of the pantry. My husband remarked recently that he did this so he could have something to himself. After all, he lives in a house with all women-even our cats! It is not that he is selfish-far fom it. He just longs for something to call his own.Isn't that really what balance is? Something we enjoy, relish and yearn for just because it is ours-not as a wife, not as a Mother but to us as individuals. It can and does create an excitement, identity and passion outside those every day roles. It makes us feel alive.

Balance makes for more efficient workers and more fulfilled spouses. Most importantly, balance will make us a more kind, patient, loving and thoughtful parent. Like a car, when your emotional tank is filled, you can happily go the distance and give just a bit more. You won’t have to explain your happiness to your family, they will see and feel it too.

Your children are watching you. They will see you choosing to grow, stepping outside your comfort zone, taking chances, embracing new things, meeting new people, creating new and exciting passions and developing a new sense of confidence and accomplishment. Teach them to take steps and be accountable for their own happiness by doing so yourself. Lead by example!

So, while I cherish my role as Mother to our beautiful daughters and my role as a wife to a kind and loving husband, I too will have my chocolate stash this year. The kids are back in school and it is time. I want some of “me” back. So I am chunking the “Mommy” guilt and carving out a wee bit of time for me to do something. Maybe I will finally write that book, volunteer, join a Bible study,take up running again or try Pilates! Afterall, my real happiness is up to me. This year I want and need my tank to be more full.. Dare to join me?